Feedback from the judge

  This is a charming and simple scene that works great. The couple engages us with their quirky behavior and dialogue (though at first we think Ronnie is a guy until 'she kisses him' - perhaps a more female-sounding name? It's cute nonetheless). The songwriting thing is a great creative device. We wonder what is up with Ronnie as the scene goes on and this builds some nice tension. The ending is entirely unpredictable and things come full-circle in an effective way. Great payoff and way to go, Ronnie! Overall, a very well-written scene that nails the prompt to a tee. Good luck...

  This is a funny scene, with cool dialogue throughout, some funny asides, and the New Year countdown is a fantastic device for both introducing tension and delivering a punchline. It's a shame that the final line didn't 'kill' but this is still a superior effort.

  Very impressive scene! Great job of movement, action, tension, and visuals to propel the moment forward. Loved the image of Steve dangling upside-down beneath the chopper. A few great turns, lots of tension. Only knock here is that the explanation in the end felt a bit generic, like an easy answer to just get past in order to get back into the action, but even so, a powerful, exciting, cinematic scene. Job well done!

  A very entertaining scene with a great sense of humor. Dialogue snaps, crackles AND pops, and the banter between ALEX and VICTORIA feels natural and honest (even if Alex's lying through his toothpasted teeth). The fact that Victoria keeps working his defenses and denials and THEN goes for the truth kill works great. Not so sure she wouldn't notice the scale's been tampered with, or that she wouldn't taste what's in the meals he's prepared, but when he finally comes clean it makes for some good laughs. Great job!

  A solid, high energy scene that crackles with tension as soon as the office door lock clicks. The foreshadowing with the book titles on the DOCTOR'S shelf is cool, if a bit overdone. It looks like italic soup, and one title (maybe even the Doctor's own book, perhaps) would've made the point. The tension ratchets nicely as ARTHUR'S more agitated. The Doctor's squirming has its own energy to it, too. Revealing more and more detail of Arthur's bone of contention is good dramatic onion peeling, and the final tongue lashing makes for a gripping conclusion. Where'd Arthur get those forceps, though? All in all, a riveting scene. Nice work!

  A well-executed scene, ripe with tension, which is set to simmer at the onset, and then comes to a nice boil. Dialogue is just informational enough without being expositional, though perhaps a bit too contemporary for the era. The fact that MIKE lets RICK do all the talking, revealing what he knows about the ins and outs of shanghia-ing, is top-notch. Solid table-turning on Rick at scene's end makes for a nice take that moment. Great job!

  Very compelling scene. Loved the young protagonist and the violence and desperation on display here. A very intense series of moments from beginning to end. Would like to have gotten a little more punch from the dialogue and the writing style was a little thick, making for a slow read, but as a whole, this is a strong scene. Well done!

  Kudos for originality here. A fresh, original take on the scene prompt and a nice use of setting. Well done. The writer did a great job of writing expository dialogue in a way that didn't FEEL expository, that told us what we needed to know without being too blatant about it. Again, very nice! The only knocks against this scene are that the turn was a little predictable and the Godfather line (can you get me off the hook -- for old times sake?) felt derivative where everything else had felt so original, giving the scene a bit of a sour note right at the end. Even so, a very strong scene. Nice job!

  This chess scene has some great tension between Jack and Danny, and I like the characterization we get for both of them in their introductions. Based on their descriptions, it's a little surprising that either of them would be type to seduce half the women of Detroit or all of the women of Flint, but those are nice specifics to include. I'd like to see the uses of beat or long beat replaced by a description of some element of action, body language, or symbolism that can convey the tone of the moment better. For instance, when Danny says he wanted to bed half the women of Detroit, a quick note tells us that Jack is shaking his head, but we don't get much indication of the kind of attitude that entails, and because we don't yet know his secret, we can't appreciate the sting a comment like that would have given Danny's history with Jack's late wife. Also, I'd like to know more about Jack's objective for revealing this secret. What, aside from guilting Danny, does Jack hope to achieve by playing this card (or moving this chess piece) in this moment? Overall, it's a well composed scene with effective dialogue and strong pacing. Nice work!

  This is a cool and well-written scene in an inherently dramatic, very existential situation. The tension starts from the get-go with the Captain apparently looking to save Samson from the firing squad. We are intrigued further when Samson turns the tables on things. Some of the dialogue of the 'resistance' feels a tad 'talky' and it feels like it may complicate things slightly. By the end though, despite some questions, we are left wanting to know more and to see what happens! Overall, a good job and a unique take on the prompt. Good luck...

  Well done scene. Spooner is an engaging character. Scene takes a nice twist. Good tension in the beginning as Spooner is talking to Billy. Scene has a good structure, good pace, good conflict. Writing style is good. A bit too much description at the top of the scene. Get into it a bit sooner. But ending was good as well. Strong scene.

  This is a great idea - two brothers arguing over some historical baggage whilst in a life or death situation - and there is some fantastic tension generated from page two. The final tragedy is shocking; if not entirely surprising, and a little predictable. It's not clear how Ollie can look that far down the mountain and see his brother's eyes in close up... so the climax comes over as a little manufactured.

  A cute and cuddly scene with good humor and energy. Dialogue has some nice snap and pop, especially the play on words and the puns (The chipmunk insult gets a good laugh!) CHESTER calling BENNY out about the SQUIRRELLETTES in flashback is not as effective as it could be because Chester wasn't there to witness LYNDSEY'S alleged seduction. How DOES he know that, like Benny wonders? If he was there, it's not clear. Perhaps Chester steers Benny into incriminating himself as the scene unfolds, using the Squirrellettes final approach as the closing argument. Squirrels hoisting bags of nuts is a great visual. Overall, a good job here.

  This hacienda scene has a nice sense of atmosphere and a unique scenario at the core of its conflict. I'd like to see Tony's relationship with Ryan get more emphasis early on to establish that element of trust before the battle of wits begins. Also, make sure to avoid exposition in the action/description lines that wouldn't be clear to a movie audience. For instance, viewers wouldn't know what Suze's health problem is until Tony mentions antivenom and we wouldn't know it's a spider bite until Ryan mentions this fact, so telling readers this information in the opening paragraph might be seen as a crutch or lazy shortcut. Overall, it's a fascinating scene with some nice dialogue and an interesting predicament for the hero. Nice work!

  Well written... The set-up is good, the setting is good. Matt and James are both engaging characters. There is good tension, suspense in the scene. And tension is in the scene from beginning to the end - which is great. The dialogue is good. Writing style is wonderful. The ending is a bit flat, compared to the rest of the scene. Could have used a stronger punch... but the scene was very good. Well done!

  Good work! Writer takes the infamous tale of Cain and Abel and aligns it with the scene prompt and the end result stands out from the pack. Solid dialogue, obviously interesting characters. Ambitious and effective, a great entry.

  The first two pages of this sequence are absolutely wonderful, but the momentum of the scene gets lost in too many twists and turns and reversals, and the end result is that too many confusing elements become too late on, hidden beneath dialogue that becomes less dramatic than expositional.

  Original, inventive... Good setting, setup. Patrick and Seamus are engaging characters. Scene gets more tense as it goes along. Good conflict, good suspense. The crowd outside is also a good character in the scene - adding tension. Writer has an engaging style. Dialogue was good - but a bit too expositional. But overall, very well done!

  There is a fantastic concept at the core of this entry; one that could easily be expanded into a feature. However, it's a lot to cram into five pages, and even though the writer does a skillful job of handling the overall dynamics, the dialogue and the execution read a little flat and expositional, and aren't up to the high expectations that the concept of the scene raises.

  Fresh, original take on the scene prompt. Loved the setting and the characters. Especially liked the final beat with the bears closing in. The dialogue felt a little too on-the-nose, though, and the voice-over was essentially unnecessary. It would have been great just to see the dynamic Ricky explains in the beginning without the verbalized explanation. Even so, a fun scene. Nice work.

  This Roman battle scene has a nice feeling for the era and the dialogue of antiquity. It gets a little confusing when Theodoric drifts into the background on the first page and reemerges on the third page with a new name (Theodicus). I'd also like to see some more emphasis on personal elements between these three kings. While the intrigue involved in their circumstances is interesting, it's hard to develop an interest in the fate of Aetius or anyone else if we only view them as generals who develop strategy rather than men who think and feel. Emphasizing the emotions between these three figures, especially early on, would probably help develop them into fully rounded personalities. Overall, it's a strong scene with smooth writing and nice descriptions. Good work!

  A wacky scene with solid characters and good energy (including the kinetic kind). Dialogue has some good snap too, especially the rapid-fire banter. Liked the key ring clue, but maybe establishing BEN eating a Twinkie and then using a wrapper or greasy filling smudge on Matt's desk would've punched that joke home. Ben's dope smoking/being a dope characterization twofer might explain away him not knowing he'd be found out ù it's only the two of them in the apartment ù but it feels like a stretch. The Damon/Affleck reveal and the GOOD WILL HUNTING gags feel more wah-wah-wah jokey than anything, and it kind of defuses (sorry) the humor behind the scene's initial premise. That said, a good scene here. Nice work.

  Wow. This is an intense and well-written scene. The setting is timely and inherently dramatic. A lot of twists and turns keep us on our toes throughout, but they also confuse us slightly. With so much happening, it's a challenge pinpointing who's who (protagonist, antagonist, etc.) and also in finding the prompt in the scene. There's certainly no shortage of action and this is good! Great job and great writing, but always to try to keep things grounded enough so that the reader doesn't get lost. Good luck...

  Scene has a good, gritty vibe. Writer has a knack for tactile imagery in their scene description. Characters are feel real. Would like to know that JONESY knows about MO'S complicity earlier, as we don't get that info until the tail end of page 4. We're ALL unaware here. Jonesy's got such a way with words and phrase-turning that it might be cool to listen to him drop hints and plant traps for Mo to walk into as the scene unfolds. CHARLES reminding Jonesy (and us) about Mo's squealing to the cops feels a bit too heavy-handed and obvious. Love the rat symbolism, though. Will not be eating at Hot Dog on a Stick for a while now. Nice work!

  This hunting lodge scene has some nice descriptions and a good sense of pacing. The conflict gets a little watered down after multiple people make surprise entrances, and this takes away from the time we get to explore Ellie's relationship with Frank. The more we learn about Ellie's character the more interesting the scene gets; I particularly liked her remark about her first words. Consolidating the cast of characters and focusing on that central relationship woul help develop this story more effectively. Overall, it's got good pacing and interesting dialogue. Good work!

  There is some killer dialogue here, and Connor makes for a badass kind of guy, with some real tension introduced over the course of the five pages. The BB gun as a weapon of enforcement is a really nice touch, and the deadpan reactions of all concerned makes for some good comedy. However, there is much bigger picture here, outside of this scene, and it's very difficults to know what these pages are about.

  This alien scene has a fun situation and some unique plot elements. I'd like to see Rufus engage more directly with Ed rather than spending so much time with Agent Weathers because the core relationship is built on that element of trust and betrayal. The exposition with this phone device (how Rufus gets Ed to confess) seems a little clunky when Agent Weathers explains how it all happened. Otherwise, it's a lively scene with a unique tone and some creative elements. Nice work!

  Fun scene. Very visual, tons of action and excitement. Nicely done. The dialogue was the only weakness here. It's easy to get seduced by the thickness of language of other eras and fantasy realms but at the end of the day, it's still important that it ring true, that it drip with subtext and grab us emotionally. Here, the dialogue felt a little thin in those departments. Even so, the scene had a ton of energy and great visuals, which makes it easier to overlook the dialogue. As a whole, nicely done.

  There is some incredibly gross and laugh out loud dialogue here, and the writer has a vibrant and original voice; it's a shame, though, that the sequence doesn't really go anywhere as a self-contained exercise. the Sequence doesn't contain any progressive stakes, or a real punchline.

  An entertaining, ripped from the headlines scene with solid characters and consistent dramatic beats. Dialogue snaps with realism and authenticity: you capture MARCUS and his political dickishness quite well. The betrayal, and CARTER'S push back, work well too. However, the payoff for Carter as protagonist would resonate more if he had a direct hand in the video camera being on during the conversation, rather than Marcus' televised admission simply being a happy accident. That said, a well-crafted scene. Nice work!

  An interesting scene with sharp dialogue and some powerful turns. At times, it veered too much to the melodramatic, to the point that when the priest pulls out a gun, it feels like it's just gone several steps too far. Even so, kudos for the energy level and the strong turns, as well as the compelling character relationships.

  This is an interesting scene with some very timely subject matter. Marion is a little over-the-top as a character, but she has a lot of arrogance, confidence and and 'hubris' and is thus fascinating to watch (good job!). It's comedic what she does with her workers but perhaps a tad politically INcorrect, reverting to stereotypes and generalizations. Jean serves as a nice antagonist but she probably arrives a little late in the scene. The ending is dramatic but we yearn for a bigger twist, turn or surprise. Overall, a very unique take on the prompt. Good job and good luck...

  Ouch! Well, almost. A snappy, punch in the balls scene with good energy and bite, in the vein (sorry) of HARD CANDY and BOXING HELENA. Revealing GLENN'S alteration up front kind of takes the suspense and tensions out of the situation, and it really doesn't afford VICTORIA the opportunity to state her case about his infidelities. Justification and retribution feel front-loaded here. Waiting to reveal the nip and tuck AND the ruse until later might make for cool double-whammy ending. Revealing the MAKEUP ARTIST and TATTOOIST cohorts feels unnecessary, as ending on Glenn's ultimate permanent humiliation has greater visual and emotional impact. That said, a good job here. Solid work!

  A solid, quick and dirty (so to speak) scene with good energy from start to happy finish. It might've been interesting to have CHET make more of an effort to confront MARLENE about the lapsed prescription, while at the same time succumbing to the heat of the moment. The battling priorities might've made for some interesting conflict. It would also have given you an opportunity to expand on the nature of his overall career/non-baby plan along the way. Marlene, in fact, seems totally oblivious to any earlier arrangements. Nice bit of sexual one-upmanship with the snip twist ending. Overall, a good effort on the scene. Nice job!

  This sequence has a really cool set up, is nicely modulated for the first three pages, and for some reason has a really sense of bittersweet melancholy running through it all. The only obstacle to this being marked higher is that the ending makes no sense whatsoever, which is an obstacle to rooting for Percy right to the end.

  Great relationship between the characters. We could really feel the history here. Also loved the use of things like pulling the staple so hard it tears the canvas to show the anger building up. Nice job. Dialogue felt a little on-the-nose, particularly near the end, though the final turns, leaving Gerhard standing in the pile of stolen art was a good one.

  This confessional scene has some edgy material and a dark tone. The structure is a bit disjointed in the first two scenes, and I'd recommend treating this encounter as one uninterrupted encounter with exposition peppered throughout rather than showing these quick glimpses of scenes like Matt with Father Robert and Matt with Mildred. Once we settle into the longer scene and the conflict has room to breathe, we get a fascinating, tense struggle between two troubled and complex people. I'd like to see the trust in Matt's relationship with Father Robert get more emphasis before the conflict gets physical. Overall, it's a strong scene with some memorable material and a compelling ending. Nice work!

  This is a well-written scene that works great for the most part. It's a big twist when we realize Gillian was using Maria's phone early on. Great division of knowledge! The surprise seems to come a tad early, though, as from there the scene feels a little straightforward and predictable. Gillian is sympathetic and definitely takes charge of the situation. Dialogue is strong and things come full circle nicely. We just crave something a bit more spectacular in the end. Remember to avoid being bland, and always push the envelope! Overall, though, great job! Good luck...

  This treehouse scene has a fun tone and a nice relationship between Caleb and Shelby. It might be good to get some more specifics as far as what Caleb hopes to accomplish in this time-travel scenario, and why he trusted Shelby not to reveal his secret. Also, we know that seeing a psychiatrist isn't any kid's dream scenario, but emphasizing the daunting possibilities of what Caleb thinks might result result from that meeting (medicines, electro-shock, labotomy?) might raise the stakes a bit. Overall, it's a nice scene with an endearing sibling relationship and an interesting situation. Good work!

  This stash house scene has some striking imagery, and it gets really interesting once Jack shows up to complicate the situation. I'd like to see Shelly's relationship with Andre get more emphasis beore it turns violent because the element of trust and a personal history may be a little underdeveloped. It would also be good to know more about how Andre came to detect Shelly's betrayal. Overall, it's a strong scene with good pacing, and a dark tone. Good work!

  Wonderful tone to this scene. Good tension - personal drama. Sandra is a strong character - powerful. Emma is sweet. Kelly feels a bit weak. It would seem that she would react even stronger when a strange man is with her daughter. The conflict could have escalated even more. The intentions of the characters are clear strong. The writer has a good style. Ending is good - but it all could have been even bigger - more emotionally charged.

  There's some nice hardboiled stuff in there, a wonderful source of conflict, and a killer reveal in that these two guys are brothers (not to mention a classic closing line), but the weakness of this scene is that Tommy and Danny don't really talk to each like they really would. At one point, Tommy decides it might be worth it to kill his brother, but it seems all 'tough guy' and out of character in the overall scene. A really nice idea, it deserves (like aTommy) a better execution.

  Interesting scene. Loved the setting and the characters, would like to have gotten more punch out of the dialogue. Also felt that the two different boiler rooms felt like a device purely for the sake of convenience, rather than a more organic element. Even so, a lot of good visuals and great use of tension throughout this scene. Nice job.

  This bistro scene has a good sense of atmosphere, and the introductory descriptions do a nice job of characterizing the two lead roles, particularly the hints about Sam's real identity. Because we get a lot of detail for imagery and different actions, this makes it a bit tougher to realize when an important plot point is supposed to jump out. For instance, the envelope should be more prominent than the way the staff clatters dishes or buses tables. I'd recommend putting more focus on important elements, and it might be good to mention more of the history between Maggie and Sam before they get into their fight because it's tough to tell what the exact nature of their relationship is early on. All in all, it's a lively scene with good descriptions and a nice surprise. Well done!

  An engaging, dramatic scene. An efficient, streamlined style keeps the pace brisk and makes for an easy read. Dialogue is quite crisp; good back and forth; very natural. Would've liked to know a bit more about what the envelope contained and why it was so important to everyone involved. Feels like weÆre missing something. It's also not clear how GEORGINA knows FREDERIC is the culprit just from his brief interaction with EDITH. Perhaps if Georgina was able to get Frederic to implicate himself, exposing a more profound detail to the air. Frederic sure got drunk in a hurry, didn't he? In any event, a good job with the scene.

  The fact that this scene ends on a terrific high note - the guys jump as the dynamite blast rips through the canyon - can't, nevertheless, disguise that there is much in the preceding four pages that doesn't really make sense as a self-contained exercise. This seems part of a much bigger story, and what we see contains little overall tension or drama.

  A solid, dramatic scene with a good foreboding start with FRED laying in wait. Something's gonna hit the fan, all right. Just wish it could've taken a bit more screen time to get there: Fred lays it all out with a gotcha reveal up front. Him using that knowledge of MARY-ELLEN'S betrayal could've made for a nice slow burn tension-ratcheter as he makes his case and strangles her with the truth. Dialogue has some snap: we get a clear picture of the kind of a-hole Fred is. Would've liked to know WHO is he and why he's so dead set on disrupting the parade. Mary-Ellen's trans-gender reveal is a nice in-your-face, even if it wasn't that much of a surprise given the scene subject matter. Good job here, overall!

  Ah, robots (I mean androids). Good sci-fi flavored scene, with crisp, if a bit repetitive dialogue. We know SUZY Q-II'S new mission-critical tasks the first time we hear them, so she doesn't need to keep repeating them (unless that's a glitch which needs recalibrating). It might've been cool to have DR. FARR enter the scene and remain completely oblivious to THOMPSON'S knowledge of his tweaks, instructing Suzy to demonstrate her new attributes on Thompson, during which Thompson feigns interest and then condemnation, only to have Farr give Suzy the go-ahead to kill. Thompson finally turning the tables with the superior line might've been an even snappier twist. All in all, though, a solid effort here. Good job!

  There's some nice abrupt dialogue, and the sense of something greater (far greater) happening beyond these five pages, but the stakes within this self-contained scene are hard to work out or identify with. The stakes aren't emotional, they're part of some greater unknown exposition.

  Fun, funny... lively scene. Good pace, good flow. Dialogue is sharp, concise... unique. Author has a unique voice. Brennan and Miss Shivy are both engaging. Brenna - good moment with the bra... The opening was good as well. The scene needed more action, more visuals. Felt a bit too talky, too static when Brennan and Miss Shivy were talking. The ending was good, but not as strong as the rest of it. Unique voice, wonderful writing style.

  Great tension level in this scene. Very atmospherically strong and once it turns violent, it never lets up. A tough moment, made even tougher when the kid shows up. The dialogue was sparse in a good way, telling us a lot with an economy of words. The ending felt a bit abrupt, though, and it seemed like we were missing a beat when it was over. A stronger finish would have scored higher under structure but even so, a powerful scene.

  A whiz bang, high energy scene with a good sense of humor and an almost surreal, absurdist bent. Scene moves at a good clip, written in an efficient, streamlined style that makes for an easy read. Nice attention to character and setting detail, too. Not much in the way of confrontation between MORTY and PHIL, though, as the build-up consumes most of the scene. And we don't even get the two men together until the next-to-last page. Phil's trap door exit is a bit if a Wha...? but it's enough of a surprise to get a chuckle. All in all, a nice job here. Good work!

  Fun, funny, lively scene. Original, inventive. Concept of using Jesus/Judas in a play - but with a whole new layer of subtext is great. The scene was fun. Jesus/Judas (the actors) were engaging. The scene was a bit too talky in parts - and it did feel like a real play at times. The end had some good action, but the first part was a bit too talky. Some of the dialogue blocks were too long. But this was creative, fun, lively... and well done.

  Setting is very good... 1805 Warships... The scene starts off with good tension and it continues until the end. There is good conflict in the scene. Structure is solid. Dialogue is good - and appropriate to time and place. Some action blocks were too thick - slowed down the read and there were a few format issues. Ending was good - but could have had even more punch. But very good tension, drama. Nice job...

  Fast paced and the dialogue is really snappy and fun (undoubtedly the strongest element in play right now). Feels like the writer may be trying to stuff too much background into five pages though and as a result there's a lot of exposition present. Too much explaining from one character to another. Still, a solid effort.

  This is an imaginative and well-written scene with a lot of interesting ingredients. Some of the urgency feels a little forced and we have questions from the get-go. We're a little confused as to why people are after the two scientists and things get a tad 'talky' and backstory-heavy with the stuff about Emma. How does the water thing relate to the rocket ship thing? Is the story set in the future? A nice bit of action ends the scene and it's insane that they both literally get shot into the stratosphere, cuffed to the rocket. Crazy! Overall, it's a very admirable effort, but we yearn for things to come together in a more believable way. Good luck...

  Definitely some imagination and a sense of humor present. The writer follows the scene prompt and overall things work and the reader really laughed at a couple of the sharp and funny lines. The prison escape set on a turkey farm before Thanksgiving sets the tone and the characters are funny and engaging. Overall a solid effort.

  This is a scene with some great detail, and feels authentic; except that the actual band dialogue feels like a watered opportunity for us to really see into the idiosyncratic habits and hierarchies of this group. It all comes over as a little bland, and lets down the rather intriguing set up that the writer has set up on page one.

  There's a nice overall concept behind this sequence, and there's certainly enough drama and pathos for a feature film. However, the scene as a whole doesn't really add up, and seems part of a larger series of events. Too much happens 'offscreen' to impact on what we see on the page.

  This a sequence of betrayal. that hints at a much greater back story, and starts and finishes in a visceral battle that acts in nice counterpoint to the more emotional flashbacks concerning Pacifica. However, the overall effect is a little 'overcooked'. it would have been better to start the scene with the two friends arguing about the Crystalline Blessing; as it is, it's not much of an ending to an otherwise compelling scene.

  A solid scene with a good, sassy vibe. FANTASY makes for a flamboyant diva, over-the-top dialogue included, though it does tend to get a bit too expositional. MADAME GILDA'S Tarot cards are a nice device, though their impact on the situation might resonate more if Fantasy took her own reading, or put Gilda up to it, revealing the gist of the betrayal in stages with ROSIE in the dressing room (as most assistant's would be at their employers' hip at all times). Fantasy could confront Rosie via the cards, knowing full well she's guilty of blabbing, while using the cards as cover to make Rosie squirm until the final calling out and accusation. Let the tension build as the scene unfolds and the cards are laid out. That said, a good job here nonetheless.

  Great job of using visuals througout the scene. Would like to have seen a little more in terms of motion and action, though. Also felt that the fairy tale characters in the real world setup was a little familiar -- would love to have seen a new take on that idea. Some good comedic beats, though, and good use of visuals. Overall, a fun scene.

  This is a well-written and fun scene with great characters and lots of action. We sympathize with Marion from the beignning and are right with her and Karen on their journey (it's a little reminiscent of THELMA & LOUISE). The pacing is fast and the writing is a breeze. The final twist is unpredictable and interesting, but it feels a tad sudden and we're not entirely sure how all the pieces fit together. Great way to surprise the reader and turn the tables, but it just seems odd and brings up a lot of questions (why does Marion stuff the envelope with her credit card statements? Why would Karen continue to hang out with her after stealing her identity?, etc.). It's a good job overall but just feels like the scene stretches itself in the end in order to cover the prompt. Definite writing talent is shown, though. Good luck!

  Creepy scene with a good sci-fi/horror vibe and great visuals. Love the opening imagery of the boat run aground on the goop. Not quite sure who the protagonist is in all this, as it feels more like a THING-like ensemble. Also, it doesn't feel as though WHEATLEY intentionally sabotaged or betrayed anyone; the resulting glop is more an unforeseen result of a mistake that we don't even know is a mistake because Wheatley's never given a chance to explain. It looks like it's a surprise to him, too. It's a tense scene and all, but any connection to the scene prompt is tenuous at best. That said, a solid effort regardless.

  Max and Fudge are both engaging characters. Love the talking horses. Great setting, set-up. Author has a wonderful style - and the scene had a great tone to it. There needed to be more visual storytelling - especially because this would be animated... The scene was too talky - could have almost been a scene from a play. Utilize the setting more. But this was fun, lively, original and engaging. Writer has a good voice.

  Great setting and strong concept for the scene. A good take on the scene prompt, though the turns in the end felt a little predictable. Also felt that the dialogue was a little on-the-nose. Even so, some good visuals, a lot of tension, and a good moment when bullets fly in the dark. Also liked Julie's ecstatic reaction to the gold. Overall, a good, professional scene, though more of a surprising turn in the end would have served it well.

  Great setting for this scene, really felt this world come to life. High stakes too. However, it seemed that the scene got too bogged down in dialogue at the expense of visuals, movement, and action. There's a bit of action in the end but it would be great to have had more of a visual style in the earlier pages, as the dialogue dragged a bit. Overall, a good scene but a leaner, more visual approach would have felt more cinematic.

  Nice use of escalating tension here, great job of showing us the suspicion before raising the stakes considerably. The first half of this scene is very strong. Once we knew what was going on, though, the scene slowed down a bit and got bogged down in dialogue and explanation. Overall, a good scene, but less talk and more action in the second half would have made it even stronger.

  Good setting here and a lot of tension. Great use of a tense physical environment to up the stakes for a tense emotional moment. Nice job there. Even so, the scene felt a little familiar and a little predictable. Would love to have seen a more unique take on the scene prompt and a more surprising turn in the end.

  It seems like there's some nice dialogue here, but the overall intention of the sequence seems a little opaque. The conflict between the two brothers is evident on the page, but fails to translate into real dramatic tension.

  There's a nice start to this scene, but it quickly degenerates into some rather undramatic bathos. Mary Frances is a rather likable character, but the Mother Superior's speech comes over as such a lecture that it tends to strangle any dramatic momentum.

  There is a sly and engaging humorous intent hat is visible on the part of the writer; but the scene, overall, comes over as trying to be a little too clever in terms of medical references, but not enough in terms of the medical warriors involved. A nice idea, but not dramatically executed.

  Some really great stuff on the page here. Using subtitles as we just hear grunts from the zombies was a great choice! Also liked the idea of warring factions and enjoyed the way the scene ended. It got off to a little bit of a slow start though and was hampered by the fact that, well, we've just seen so much zombie stuff in recent years that it's not terribly exciting anymore. Would like to have seen a more inventive world on display here, but even so, some good turns along the way, some sharp visuals and again, the subtitles over grunts was definitely a nice choice.

  Good setting, good set-up. Enjoyed seeing Don Juan. Author clearly knows this characters and this period. Author has a wonderful writing style. The scene had some very good dialogue - appropriate to time and place... But the scene was too talky. The setting was good, but there needed to be more visual storytelling. Felt like a scene from a play. Ending was good - but needed a strong punch. Felt a bit flat. Writer has a good style.

  This is an interesting scene with a cool setting, but we struggle to identify with and/or root for the protagonist (is it Winston or Nik?). Their dialogue is interesting but gets a tad 'talky' and we crave more action in the scene. By the end we're not entirely sure how the prompt is covered, but there's definitely a unique quality, a cool tone and some interesting subject matter to the scene. Try to avoid writing direction in the description (directors do that!) - just cover the story. Overall, it's a scene with a lot of potential, but it doesn't really come together in a strong enough way for the reader. Definite writing talent is shown, though. Good luck...

  Conjoined twins! Funny...very funny. Authors have an original comedic voice - and a great combined style. Scene had good dialogue and was funny/lively... Cindy/Liz were great - as one. The scene, however, was a bit too talky. They were in the limo, which is a confined setting... and there was very little action. The ending was good - but the scene was so based on this conjoined element - that it was a bit limited. Very funny, writers have a great style.

  Professionally written scene, really felt the history between the characters. The scene moved a little slowly in the first half and felt a bit familiar, though it steps up a notch in the end when it gets brutal. From the reveal of the fingers to the end, the scene is twice as good as it is prior to that point. Would love to have seen that same intensity throughout. Overall, though, a well written scene.

  This is a good, original take on the scene prompt. Really enjoyed the juxtaposition of weighty subject matter and young characters. This scene would have really benefitted from more action, though, as it was almost all dialogue. It needed more movement, more visuals, to feel completely cinematic. Even so, nice character work, good concept.

  Overall the writer follows the scene prompt but there are a few problems holding the material back. First, the beginning is exposition heavy, the writer setting things up using big chunky paragraphs filled with scene description. Then things feel bloated with dialogue. Try and create more of a balance, showing instead of telling. Still, a solid effort across the board.

  This is a well-written scene thatÆs definitely not short on action! Good job there. We donÆt quite know whatÆs happening to the rig (whether itÆs just a natural disaster or something else) and by the end weÆre a little confused as to who the characters are, what their relationships are and what got them in this situation. Jackie certainly takes charge and feels like a hero. ItÆs great when she exposes Sean (is he some sort of machine?) but things feel a little ætalkyÆ prior to that, with her going over her plan and them arguing. Overall, thereÆs a lot of good stuff here but we feel just a little æin the darkÆ as to what exactly happens. The theme of a damaged, exploding oil rig is certainly very timely and the writing is strong overall. Good luckà

  Joel and Spencer - both engaging. Scene has a nice twist to it with Nina... The scene gets more tense as it goes along - second half is better than first. The first part of the scene is too talky, not enough visual storytelling. Setting - restaurant - is a bit bland. The ending, though, is very good. Nice writing style, just needed a stronger first two pages...

  This was an enjoyable scene with some fun moments in it, though it was a little too bogged down in dialogue. We needed a bit more action a bit earlier to really feel cinematic. Also felt the scene was a little predictable -- it would have been great to have a sharper turn near the end. Even so, some fun stuff on the page and real zest in the writing.

  Liked the energy level here a lot. Strong character work too -- we could really feel the history and relationships. The dialogue felt a little on-the-nose, too bogged down in explanation and lacking the punch it needed to disguise the delivery of information. Also felt that the entire setup was a little generic and predictable. As soon as the gunmen rush through the door, it became clear what was going on. A sharper turn, more of a twist, would have benefitted this scene greatly.

  The setting and era are solid and imaginative and the scene follows the prompt. However it feels like things are too dialogue heavy right now and the end result is bloated and slow paced. A few well placed edits would help here. Also, show more than tell if at all possible. Still, ending packs a punch and overall scene feels satisfying.

  Definitely a lot of imagination present here but some real gore as well. The fingers on one hand wage war against one another and manipulate the second hand to amputate. Again, some potential for humor but the blood spatter moves more towards the gross than the funny. Plus, in the end thumb realizes the hand needs them all so there is no real victory. Follows scene prompt, shows creativity.

  This is a well-written scene with lots of inherent drama. Sniper stuff is cool and the whole stand-off is effective, albeit a little clichθ. There are some stylish lines of description and some snappy dialogue, but the scene starts to feel 'talky' and backstory-heavy the further it goes along. Characters certainly feel like movie characters and Tyler is forceful and fearful all at once. We just crave a bit more action in the present. Overall, an admirable effort that never quite becomes as spectacular as we'd like. Remember, above all else, be original! Good luck...

  This is a cute, original idea and a well-written scene, but itÆs perhaps a little too æout there.Æ Characters are vibrant and varied (there are perhaps a few too many) and the humor between them is appreciated, but weÆre a tad confused as to whether or not we believe the world theyÆre in (why is it that they have to let a member go?). Dialogue is at times catchy, but other times it feels a little ætalky.Æ The confrontation bit is interesting and unpredictable, but we crave a bit more action in the scene. Overall itÆs a nice effort that feels a little more like a play than a movie. Remember, movies rely on action above all else! Good luckà

  This is a well-written scene and a creative idea in making other-worldy beings look and act like inner-city gangbangers. There's lots of great description and some effective dialogue, but the characters aren't very believable - supernatural fairy-types who talk like humans, vulgar language and all? After an interesting opening, the scene starts to feel a little 'talky' and backstory-heavy, and we crave more action in the present. Overall it's a nice effort but remember to try to engage the reader with something they can identify with and root for. Good luck...

  Alice, Samuel and Robert are all engaging characters. The scene has good pacing, and some good intrigue... but it's too talky. Office setting is a bit bland. The scene needs more action, more visual storytelling. Almost felt like a scene from a play. Needs a strong narrative drive. But writer has a good style...

  Intriguing scene... unique. Author has a original voice. Not quite sure what exactly was going on with grandma. Caleb was a good character - engaging. Felt for him. The scene, however, was too talky. Not enough visual storytelling. Could have been a scene from a play. The ending felt a bit flat as well. Not sure of the motivations of the characters. But, the writer has a unique, clear style.

  This scene opened well, using quiet and darkness to tell us something was coming, then the startling appearance of a character in the dark to get things moving. After that, though, it seemed that the scene got bogged down in expository dialogue, struggling to tell us the backstory at the expense of forward motion. Once things start moving again in the final pages, the turns come out of nowhere with one new character after another appearing without us knowing them or anything about them. This is an atmospherically strong scene but it kind of got away from itself in the end.

  This is a well-written scene that doesn't entirely engage the reader in a strong-enough way. The setting is inherently dramatic but the premise and characters feel a tad clichθ. There's always room for content about jewel thieves and international intrigue, but with such familiar territory it's vital to have an original take. Despite the catchy dialogue and stylish description, things just don't jump out at us the way we'd like. The big twist in the end is unpredictable but feels just a little 'tacked on' and easy. Overall, an admirable writing effort. Good luck...

  Feels like the scene veers off the road and misses the prompt. The betrayal here feels minor and therefore undermines potential tension and drama. Writer needs to tweak the stakes here, make things bigger and more exciting. Casey's betrayal should be bigger and Arthur should have to work to forgive and move past everything.

  This is a well-written scene that feels just a little too complicated. Things jump around quite a bit before getting to the big confrontation scene at the end, which is dramatic. However, we feel a bit confused as to what is going on. All the stuff at the hotel doesnÆt really amount to a strong build-up, and the significance of the scene with Cesar alludes us. Though it sounds interesting, weÆre unsure what the æDirty DozenÆ is. Readers and audiences never like to be æin the darkÆ too much. A quick formatting note - the word æ(beat)Æ should go on itÆs own line rather than in the middle of a chunk of dialogue (this helps to break it up and smoothen the read a bit more). Good luckà

  Solid across the board. Follows the scene prompt but things don't necessarily feel organic or believable. There is confusion built into the premise as well, with Madelyn and Gia playing friends AND mother and daughter. The ending doesn't feel even the 'twist' underwhelming.

  Jacob and William are engaging characters. Setting is good, setup is good. There is some good intrigue in the scene, but it comes out only in dialogue. The author needed show more rather than tell it all. It was much too talky. Felt like a scene from play. Scene was interesting, but not dramatic enough. More action, less talk. Ending good, but the whole scene was a bit flat in terms of action.

  Good characters - Marcum, Loretta and Outlaw were all engaging. The setting was great. Wrestling was a good choice. The scene had too much exposition in the opening action blocks - far too much. There was exposition in the first page of dialogue as well... Scene didn't take off until p. 3. Even though author did use the setting, there could have been even more action. Ending felt a little flat. Writer has a good style though...

  Good interaction between characters in this scene -- we could really feel the relationship between Tony, Ryan, and even the unseen Suzanne. The stakes didn't feel quite high enough, though, since the real threat here was to Suzanne, who wasn't actually a part of the scene, and though there was a threat of incarceration would be a problem for Tony, it still feels like less than the threat of death, which is what applies to Suzanne. Also felt the scene was too dialogue heavy for too long, needed to get to the action sooner.

  This is a well-written scene that definitely knows what it wants to be. Some of the classic horror moments work well and others feel a little clichθ. Things seem to go a little overboard towards the end, though, and we crave something with a little more of a payoff, more of an answer as to who is doing this and why. Perhaps we can be clued in a bit more to TinaÆs relationship with the deceased (Robert? Her husband?) as it would help us get more invested in the characters. Of course with supernatural themes, ærulesÆ are important and currently it feels like æanything goesÆ which affects the believability for the reader. Overall, itÆs a nice effort but one that could probably have a little more clarity and originality. Good luckà

  This is a well-written scene that feels just a tad on-the-nose and predictable. Wendy certainly takes control and knows what she wants, and poor Mark doesnÆt have a prayer from the beginning. The confrontation is inherently dramatic but there arenÆt many twists, turns or surprises in the scene. Overall, itÆs a good job but it doesnÆt really fly off the page or become as spectacular as weÆd like. Remember above all else to avoid the clichθ and be original! Good luckà

  Nice integration of liar's dice into the scene prompt. Imaginative and tense. Interesting character work and the dialogue works well. Twist at the end is solid and the 'draw' ends the script on an exciting note. Overall a solid entry that follows the scene prompt but adds to the mix.

  Feels like the writer follows the prompt a little too closely. There is a betrayal amongst friends but right now the twist feels uneven. Two men share a hot tub and one is mourning the loss of a relationship with a woman. However it turns out that one man screwed the other over in hopes of kickstarting a relationship between the two of them. This doesn't add up for the reader. Feels like it should be a man and woman friend, not two men.

  Definitely ambitious and the work does follow the scene prompt but it feels like the writer is stuffing too much into five pages. Simplify, keep things streamlined when it comes to limitations. Also, the 'twist' doesn't contain enough bite. Dialogue is solid and character work is effective. Overall a decent effort.

  Jessica is an engaging characters. Set-up is good. Setting is good. The stripper running for office premise is good. But the scene lacks a strong narrative drive. Too many montage articles at the beginning. The scene is much too talky. We need to see more visual storytelling, more action. Dialogue blocks are a bit too thick. Write tight, concise. Good tone and voice though.

  Wow. This is an ambitious scene that doesn't quite work for the reader. For starters, Haley's Mom is a little over-the-top and not very believable with her vulgar language in front of her daughter. We very much sympathize with Rebecca as she takes the abuse, and the scene starts to feel 'talky.' Haley's Mom taking out the gun and murdering Rebecca feels quite over-the-top, but we are thrown for a bigger loss with the truth of Haley's identity - is she just a dwarf? Or can she some how morph from being a little girl to a dwarf? An interesting arena and some good writing overall, but things just don't come together in believable, clear way.

  Overall this is a noble and ambitious effort but it feels like the writer is trying too hard and wedges in more story than fits into five pages. The end result is dialogue and exposition heavy. The last couple of pages are just one character explaining how he found out the other. There's no real dance or rhythm to the dialogue, no back and forth, just a speech of sorts. Streamline when you have limited pages.

  Things don't quite work in the scene because it doesn't feel like the writer really follows the scene prompt. A separated couple go different way with their lives. Where is the betrayal? Where is the protagonist confronting the confidant? Some interesting dialogue but again, story doesn't feel even throughout.