Writer Name(s)

Writer Name(s)

Order#

Struc-

ture

Dialog

Style

Origin-

ality

Total

Judge's Feedback

Skot Christopherson

28183

Absolutely fantastic scene! Great setting, great tension level, great turn in the end when we learn there is a route to survival but it means letting innocents die. A ton of tension, sharp characters, solid dialogue. Amazing work!

Lisa Scott

28338

Wow! This is an intense and unpredictable scene. A big inciting incident kicks things off on page 1 and once Shyla is confronted by the angry woman, all hell breaks loose. Dialogue is biting and their argument feels shockingly real and vicious. It’s a unique world that we don’t often see in movies and one that touches on the very timely subject of the sex slave trade. As soon as Shyla’s children are threatened, she quickly changes and takes control. She is truly a master of her craft and her turning sexual on the woman is unpredictable, sexy, dramatic! and makes for a great ending. Overall, excellent job! Great ready for round 2! Good luck!

Blair Cosby

27004

A well-written and well-crafted scene, with rich characters and vivid description. Great dynamic between ARNAUD and BRUN. The tension is high from the get-go, with excellent ratcheting as the scene plays out. Arnaud's heroic and compassionate ending act resonates. The only nitpick is that you might better label HENRI as the dead man attached to BRUN. You refer to him by name through dialogue and description, but one has to skim back through the scene to link the name to the deceased. Aside from that, a great job with the scene.

Walter Thompson

26716

Kudos for a truly original and riveting scene, laced with laugh out loud humor throughout. Very well done!

Rachel Nightingale-Bollinger

28169

This is a very funny and well-written fish-out-of-water story. The set-up is great and the contrast between Tessa and all the trophy wives in the bible study group is inherently dramatic and funny. Tessa gives us a laugh-out-load moment when she weighs in on King David, and the scene ends on another equally funny note. Dialogue is good, pacing is good and the ending is again hilarious. Overall, great job! Good luck!

Michael Tyburski

28227

This underground fighting scene has a great sense of rising tension, really nice attention to detail, and a dark, disturbing tone. Harry's dialogue does a great job defining the circumstances without being overly expositional, and Julia's mysterious presence adds a lot to the uncertainty of the atmosphere. I think the scene might work better if we stay on the limited perspective (if we never saw Sam's opponent) instead of revealing too much at the end. Otherwise, I think it's a dark, tense, and very engaging scene. Great job!

Michael Riccardini

27809

This is a very nice, honest scene with humor and heart. The deli setting is something we’re all familiar with and the Italian characters are great and filled with personality. We really identify with Tommy’s situation and his desire to get his true love. Aldo simply MAKES the scene! His demonstration with the meats and his comparing it to Tommy’s experience is unique, fun, engaging and thought-provoking. The Grandmother adds some comic relief and the ending is great. Go get her, Tommy! Good job and good luck!

Michael Ashley & Charles Borg

28385

GREAT scene. Follows the prompt perfectly but the writers still makes it their own. Imaginative and completely compelling. Great dialogue, a detailed and realistic restaurant environment. The protagonist undergoes a complete turnaround when he is inspired by his love of food and cooking. Really solid on all levels!

Kimberly Nunley

26800

Very fun, fresh, original scene. Great job of taking a rather pedestrian moment and elevating it to great importance, as well as putting a clock on the stakes. Loved this from the beginning to the end. Nice work!

Joshua Wright

27937

Very fun, energetic scene. Great take on the scene prompt. Loved the relationship between Harold and Susie and even Bob's entry into the scene is a good one. A well-paced, enjoyable little sequence here with visual style, movement, and likeable characters. In other words, great work!

Don Tsuchiyama

27997

The Mom is hilarious! Nicely done all round: well modulated, comedy and a hint of pathos. Very nicely paced too.

David Condolora

28188

This outer space scene has a really nice sense of rising tension and some strong dialogue. The scene may be ignoring the effects of depressurization (the vacuum of space would make John's blood boil inside his veins) but with a few tweaks for realism, this is a really powerful scene. The attention to detail and pacing are very effective, and it's a very creative take on the scene prompt. Of course it would be good to know more about this Jupiter mission, how Mark saved the Solar System, and what went wrong to put him in this situation, but the aftermath is certainly engaging on its own. Good work!

Chris Sullivan

26977

Entertaining, clever interpretation of the scene prompt. Snappy dialogue and efficient, streamlined style, which makes for a quick read. Giggling SPERM is a hoot. Great job!

Catherine Horne

28492

This is a very well-written, enjoyable scene. The setting feels unique and is captured in a very authentic way. We feel for the characters and dialogue flows naturally. Dave is a sympathetic protagonist and AJ a good ‘buddy’ character. Cora Lee sure takes control when she comes in! She knocks some sense into those boys and it all comes full circle by the end. Structure is strong, the plot is simple enough and dialogue is excellent. Perhaps there could be a bit more action, but we feel the conflict in the couple’s relationship, and it all seems very natural. Simply put, we are left wanting more. Great job!

Anna Vivi

27925

This is a totally sweet and inventive story: compact, complex, everything imparted with the correct amount of economy and precision. And the underlying concept - beyond even the time travel - is of an ugly little girl's life changed forever. Wonderful!

Todd Vanderweff

28072

This Nintendo parody scene has a fun sense of play and a creative premise. The use of visuals does a nice job illustrating the nature of the situation, and the Dragon's lines are pretty funny. I wouldn't mind seeing a little more emphasis on the call to action element, and some more focus could probably go to the nature of the master/slave relationship between Furio and the Gamer. I'd avoid the Hitler joke because I think there are funnier comparisons to make and I'm not sure if it's worth brining Nazis into this scene. Overall, it's a funny scene with good pacing and amusing characters. Nice work!

Stuart D. Hatfield

27728

This spy / supervillain showdown is a fun send-up of James Bond scenarios, and the professor's dejected dialogue is pretty funny, particuarly his line about blowing his wad with the wrong solution. It's also fun to see the villain as the one tied up in the beginning rather than the hero. I'd like to see a little more characterization for the Professor and Dr. Damascus in the beginning so we'd know what kind of physical features to imagine and what kind of personalities to project into their atttudes. I'd also like to see Columbus, Ohio get destroyed instead of Chicago (or even Minneapolis after the way the Twins stole the AL Central from the Tigers last October). Overall, it's a fun scene with a good sense of humor and a nice element of self-awareness. Good work!

Steven Pryor

28374

Very well written scene! Loved the inspirational flashback moment under the stands in the middle -- great way to approach this material. Loved the energy and the pacing and the characters of Desiree and Mary. Jennifer feels a little generic but that's the only knock here -- other than that, fantastic work!

Stephen Kunc

28278

Entertaining, funny and well-crafted scene. Dialogue's snappy, too, and gets some good laughs along the way. Nice visual sense here, with concise and effective description. Good set-up and establishment of YOUNG LAZLO'S dilemma, though it's not clear what bad things

Stephen Anderson

28447

This Pizza Guy scene handles its exposition really nicely through the phone call, and the dynamic between the Pizza Guy and Greg works well. There's a genuine authenticity to this moment, and the little nuances (like the pauses in the phone conversation and the poster on the wall) illustrate the sincerity of the disappointment for a frustrated creative type like Greg. It would be nice to get some idea of what Greg's life will be like (job? romance? location?) if he does sell the guitar and give up on his dream, so a bit of back-story for him might help. Overall, it's an engaging scene that combines comic failure with genuine emotion nicely. Good work!

Robert Funke

28090

Hilarious. Funny. Acute. Nicely done!

Nicole Gramlich

27569

This farm scene has a really nice core relationship, and the dialogue does a good job providing helpful exposition and providing some nuance for Richard and Marietta's dynamic. Marietta's action is a bold way to deliver a strong message, and the scene really benefits from the shift in tone we get there. The scene could probably use more imagery or use of props/settings during their conversation, but overall, it's a well composed, moving scene that seems like a genuine movie moment. Good work!

Michael S. Lachance

28053

This WWI scene has a great sense of tension and some strong action I think the standoff when Phillipe draws his gun on the Priest is a great moment of conflict, and the last paragraph has some really striking imagery. It would help to label characters like Sergeant and Soldier as more specific terms like German Sergeant or French Soldier. Also, I think the scene's pacing might be stronger without the time gaps and LATERs. Otherwise, this is a compelling scene with a strong call to action and some high stakes. Nice work!

Kevin Thomas Roy

26906

Great scene! Fresh, original take on the scene prompt, great job of showing how uncomfortable this moment in a young man's life can be. Loved the interaction between Otis and Sally, which evolves in good ways over the course of the scene. Thinning out the text used to set the scene in the beginning would have been a good choice but that's really the only complaint here. As a whole, very strong scene. Great work!

Jeffrey J. Marks

28049

Very well written scene -- great take on the prompt. Loved the historical setting and the stakes we are all so well versed in being put on display here as Washington waivers. Fantastic. Scene would have been even stronger if the visuals hadn't given way to dialogue so quickly without returning, if there had been a bit more movement and action along the way, but even so, this is a very impressive effort. Great work!

Jeanne McKinney

27135

This Scottish salmon scene is a very unique, creative take on the scene prompt. It's nice to see members of a different species struggling with existential issues in the same way that people do, and the message of the story comes across clearly and with authenticity. I think we could probably have a little more focus on the stakes and the possible consequences of failure, and I'd like to see the emotional intensity raised a bit, but this is a very compelling, original scene. Good work!

James Napoli

28024

Entertaining scene and an interesting approach to the scene prompt. Dialogue has some good snap to it (Craig's List line was funny). Good folding of the bad things will happen point into LORDEN'S rallying speech. Consider thinning out the thicker paragraphs of scene description, as they tend to bog down the read. If anything, break them up into more easily digestible chunks. Nice ending image. Good job.

J.J. Cormier

28620

Great scene. A ton of tension, killer visuals, an escalation of intensity. Extremely well done, really had a horror flick feel to it. The only concern here is how explanatory the dialogue felt in the beginning but fortuntely the scene didn't get too bogged down in it and the action and energy cranked up in a hurry. Fantastic job!

Dwayne Bartholomew

27157

This James Bond parody is a cute scene with a simple structure built into it. I think you could get more mileage out of typical James Bond elements (including a femme fatale or damsel in distress, high tech gadgets, and racy puns), but this is a creative scene with an entertaining approach. Good work!

Dries Coomans

27965

Very nicely done. This scene had a great emotional core and a good heart. The protagonist (Lee/Elmo) was very compelling and his goal was clear. The ending is poignant and touching. The moment when he went into the darkness to finally remove his clown face, could have been bigger, clearer. But this scene was very well done. Great dialogue, characters, structure. Loved it.

Danielle Dillard

26868

This wedding day scene takes a great turn once we find out the truth of the situation and Matt comes out of his hallucination. This is a strong premise and a very unique approach to the scene prompt. It seems like the tone in the very beginning may be a bit off, and I wonder if the scene wouldn't be better served if Jessica were a little less hostile in the beginning and a little more loving before we realize it's all a facade. When the bride's first line in response to the classic I shouldn't see you on the wedding day line is The wedding's off. I can't marry you

Anne Lower

27677

This bathroom performance anxiety scene has a really fun tone, and it's a lively, amusing scenario. I love the justification that Pete gives for his problem, and this helps us understand more about his relationship with Lisa. I think you could get more mileage out of the humor that Lisa overhearing this conversation provides, and there are probably some more visuals that you could use to bring out the lunacy of the situation during this conversation. Otherwise, it's funny and oddly inspiring in an endearing way. Well done!

Timothy D. Tribble

28349

Fresh, original take on the scene prompt and a fun, visually stimulating scene. In terms of the scene itself, the only real concern is the ending with the shark, which feels a little unnecessary, considering the impact of everything before it. The other concern here is one of writing style, as the text is so thick in the beginning that it makes for a tough slog. The writer's got a great visual flare and the scene plays out very cinematically so scaling back the number of words it takes to make the point will only make the writing stronger in the future. Good work here.

Tim Harding

27867

This has a wonderful shocking final reveal, which comes completely out of left field. Nicely done!

Thomas R. Dingus

27758

This winery scene has a very creative angle and some likeable characters. Because it's pretty brief, there's still room for development, and I wouldn't mind seeing more of Peeno (great name) with his mom before they're taken into the factory. We could probably use a little more description early on to know how to picture a grape with arms and facial features, too. Peeno's fate is a little unclear when Bizzy lifts him up, though the assumption is he ends up as wine. I'm not sure what to make of the ending, and I think the scene could deliver a stronger moral or message in the end if it stays focused on Peeno instead of following Bizzy. Otherwise, it's a fun, imaginative scene with a quirky style. Well done!

Steve Birge

28454

Very fun scene, great banter between Hal and Murgatroyd. Strong use of setting to add visuals to what is basically a dialogue-based scene. Dialogue was a little thick but still loaded with punch and comedy and the character dynamic was sharp. A four-page version of this would have been a little better than five, because it felt like it ran on a few beats too long, but as a whole, very, very impressive scene. Great work!

Ron Cabreros

27919

Strong scene, very original premise. Liked the high stakes and the character dynamic. Felt the desperation even in the quieter moments and really felt things amping up near the end. Job well done.

Robyn Rice

28243

A nice high concept, realized within a cool scenario. The karaoke is inspired!

Roberta Degnore

27438

This is a very cool, bold and well-written scene. The imaginative setting is unique and something we don’t see very often. The hero’s situation feels very dire and inherently dramatic. There’s a nice mix of dialogue and action, with the attacking corpses providing eye candy as well as suspense. We are intrigued when the mother’s voice comes in and what seems like a Faustian situation for Jack comes full circle in the end when he makes a decision û right or wrong? We can only wonder, but the scene makes us want more, which is great. Some scrutinizing readers might feel that it doesn’t entirely nail the scene prompt, but the pros outweigh the cons and as a short scene for this assignment, well done! Oh, it’s always great to include a quote from Nietzsche! Good luck!

Robert Messinger

27759

Nicely judged. A funny concept, realized very nicely.

Robert Hestand

28260

Well-crafted scene, with strong characters and a streamlined, efficient style. Dialogue is nice and crisp. The ROSA PARKS reveal is more of a Huh? than I think was intended (bit it's a cool zinger), for without any indication of an era or setting, it comes out of left field. Just a brief, passing reference to the 50's era (a specific clothing style or item, a bicycle brand name, etc.), or even including Mobile, Alabama in the scene heading, helps the set-up. Darky, while antiquated and definitely regional, can't carry the weight of the payoff on its own. Even naming her ROSA

Rich Frost

26689

This father-son scene has a great sense of tension and a wonderful attention to detail. The atmosphere permeating the piece is tangible, and the little details like the old man's smacking on the ice cube really bring the scene off the page. The descriptions can get a little wordy, especially when we're getting information that won't come across to viewers on the screen (like what the characters are thinking but not doing). Otherwise, it's a tense scene with a strong dynamic between the two central roles. Good work!

Philip Schneider

27344

This is a well-written, original comedic scene with several laugh-out-loud moments. The writing is stylish and has some pithy description as well as funny dialogue. It’s a unique take on the prompt and despite the far-fetched aspect of what happens, it works and we buy it. The characters are identifiable for the tone and it would’ve probably been even more hilarious to add some quick flashbacks of the actual event of Brent licking the girl’s face (actually seeing it would surely cause increased laughs). Overall, nice job and good luck!

Peter Van Pelt

27199

Creative, fun, unique. The matchsticks were wonderful. Benedict, George and Betsy - all clear characters. The historical setting was great and the use of Paul Revere was great. The scene could of used a little more visual action - but it was always visually engaging. The writer has a great style and a good comic voice. Enjoyed this very much!

Nathan Brunskill and Liska Ostojic

28185

Very strong, energetic scene, a lot of zest in the writing. Really found myself rooting for Benny in the end, enjoyed the relationship with Sam, though Elle and Marshall bordered on cliche and the speeches in the end got a little wordy. Those are minor complaints though, considering the overall strength of the scene. Nice job!

Nadine Piche

28436

A lot of heart, and a nice rousing speech from Mary!

Mike Sheriff

28119

This is a cool scene. The situation is of course inherently dramatic. I’m afraid of heights and I was nervous just reading it! The scene prompt is nailed nicely and the recurring line, ‘Rock God of Riverside County’ is quite effective and strategically-used û it clearly means a lot to the protagonist. When Ryan starts gaining confidence and prepares to make a move, the tension in the scene increases exponentially. The fall is especially intense and a nice bit of action to balance out the talk. Dialogue is stylish and feels like movie dialogue. Overall, a very well-written scene. Nice job and good luck!

Mike Rembis

26696

A superb little effort. A strong overall concept well executed with a gripping through line. Nicely done! Watch for typos though...

Matt Cook

27132

There is some really cool dramatic dialogue here, with some genuine surprises, and the interplay is fluid. The stakes are well telegraphed at the beginning. The only thing that lets the scene down is that is seems plucked from a bigger story, so the actual solution - the church - doesn't really pay off and feels unfinished.

Lynn Christensen

27737

Scene was very well done. Setting was great. Sheriff, Rick, Fannie - all clear characters with good intentions. The writer has a wonderful, engaging voice. Scene felt writerly at times, which usually is not a good thing, but here it was wonderful. Scene was written concise and tight. Good subtext in dialogue Ending was satisfying. The one line - about the cattle being gone - felt odd. Why wouldn't she know this? But, that's one minor thing. This scene was very well done. Enjoyed it very much. Great job!!!

Lloyd Vance

27420

This barnyard scene has some fun characters and a clear, compelling mission. Armando is an entertaining character, and Cerberus's presence provides a nice source of antagonism. I'd like to see Armando learn a little more about Billie before he makes it his mission to restore her love because right now he seems to show up only to help our heroine when she needs it. Overall, it's a creative situation and a fun scene. Good work!

L. J. Jacobs

28536

Very nice take on the scene prompt. Loved the visuals (the blue bug, in particular) as well as the turn in the end. The dialogue didn't have as much punch as the visuals, seemed to be working too hard to give us information, but it at least still managed to do that. Overall, a very strong, visual scene with a powerful conclusion. Nice work!

Julius Galacki

28276

Very interesting scene. Loved the interaction between these two characters and the dialogue really popped. Especially enjoyed the illusion/allusion/delusion lines. These are interesting characters in a compelling moment and while the scene didn't have a lot of actually physical movement it did have a lot of energy. Nice work. The only complaint here is that the plot to take incriminating pictures felt like a step too far and a pep talk to just get Thomas back in the game probably would have been a tighter beat to end on but nonetheless, very nice job overall.

Julie Cross

28555

Very funny and original take on the material. Writer displays tons of imagination and the dialogue is sharp. The leads are truly sympathetic as they fight against the currents to make it to the spawning grounds. Again, this is how you tackle a scene prompt and make it your own. Great work.

Julia Watson

26735

Sharp scene, great use of visuals and action! Loved the setting and the geek-chic protagonist. It was a little hard to decipher what the backstory was to what was going on here but as for the beats of the scene itself, very nice work. The dialogue didn't have as much punch as the visuals and the jokier moments tended to feel a little false considering the circumstances but not to a degree that could bring down the scene altogether. One quick note on writing style: thinning out the text is always a good thing and it would help here. Try to describe setting and action with about 25% less than what's on the page here and try not to break up dialogue banter with too many lines about how people consider or regard what the other is saying.

Jonathan Vermeer

27898

A well-crafted scene, with solid, palpable tension from the get-go and crisp dialogue. STALIN revealing SHILOVA, while a surprise to TAVRIN within the scene, isn't unexpected, which is the only drawback of using known historical figures with established reputations. Now, if Stalin were to let them go, THAT would've bee unexpected. Great scene, nonetheless.

James Martin

27845

This hotel balcony scene has a nice interpersonal dynamic between Josie and Ed, and it takes a bold, surprising turn toward the end. I think the scene works perfectly well without Ed's narration at the beginning and end, so I'd recommend triming that out. It would be good to get a clearer sense of why this other girl means so much to Ed or what misery might await him if he never wins her back. Otherwise, the scene has strong pacing, good visuals, and a nice sense of chemistry between the two friends. Good work!

Ian Murillo

28081

Well-crafted scene, with palpable tension and good energy. Solid visual sense, with vivid scene description. Dialogue is crisp and efficient, without being too flowery for the genre. Nice twist with DEATH'S character. Good work.

Heath Malmstrom

28388

This is a well-written scene with a lot going on. We identify with Ming and his goal to get the girl and the fact that he’s a bumbling klutz is comedic as well as appropriate for the scene prompt. The way Wei sets up the alarm, unbeknownst to Ming, is clever and provides a nice ‘division of knowledge’ in addition to being inherently dramatic given the nuclear power plant setting. For a second we think Ming might actually impress Wei, and the final twist is both unpredictable and comedic. Overall, nice job and good luck!

Gabe Ramirez

28611

Powerful scene. Great job of using the visuals of Sylvia's wounds to tell us everything we need to know without saying a word. Also, nice moment with the magazine cover and great job of having Maggie help Sylvia out without having to speak to her in literal terms about the abuse she's suffering. Very well done!

Dustin Gillis

28118

This is an intriguing sequence, which shows some real imagination, especially in the various dream versions of Carol. A nice conclusion as a result of her increasingly surreal incarnations. Nice!

Doug McKenzie

26752

This last meal scene raises a really interesting issue, and the warden's description of the program is very fascinating. The scene itself can get a little talky, so I'd like to see some more emphasis on revelating information through action, imagery, body language, reactions, props and setting. Also, the ending is a little confusing in that we don't get to see Bob's reaction, and this will be important to know why Matt's lawyer goes along with it. I'd like to see a little more focus come onto the ethical issue of a false conviction; if Matt confesses to a crime he didn't commit, what will this mean for his conscience, his reputation, his family, and his soul? He raises a quick objection but doesn't seem to make much of it after that. Overall, it's a very interesting scene with a strong tone. Good work!

Denise Felix-Silva

33333

There's a neat little mirror sequence at the beginning and end of this sequence, and the writer also does a good job of fitting in a lot of action from beginning to end. Nicely done, with some cool and realistic dialogue.

David Bousquet

28496

This 7/8 life crisis scene has a fun dynamic between Barry and Aunt Constance, and it's cool to see that Constance turns out to be our hero in need of a pep talk rather than Barry. The dialogue is amusing, and we get some great characterization of Aunt Constance. I'd like to get a clearer indication of the stakes for what would happen to Constance if she doesn't pursue this dream of stardom. Otherwise, it's a lively, engaging scene with a quirky tone and strong pacing. Nice work!

Crystal Ann Taylor

26737

Very strong scene. Loved the Pine Ridge Rez location, loved the talk of AIM prior to the Wounded Knee standoff. Great bit of action in the beginning, fantastic character work later in the scene. Would like to have seen a little more movement, visuals and action in the second half but even so, a very impressive scene. Great job!

Christine Deitner

27920

It's hard to go wrong with a scene that is literally a barn-burner. This father-son conflict combines some tangible physical violence with subtler emotional strife, and the characters have authentic, unique voices. I'd like to see some more specific characterization for the important roles in their introductions, providing some insight into their appearances and personalities beyond simply an age. Overall, it's a compelling scene with a rich sense of atmosphere and a surprisingly endearing turn in the end. Good work!

Blake Clouser

27500

This graveyard scene has a good sense of atmosphere and an interesting character in The Stranger. We get a clear indication of the stakes of this crisis, and the scropion coming back to life provides a strong visual metaphor for the scene. Overall, it's a fascinating scene with authentic dialogue and strong tension. Good work!

Anthony Forzaglia

28463

This zombie Christmas scene has some really nice tension and effective dialogue. I'd like to know more about the external circumstances (like is that a real Santa or was that just a department store Santa who became a zombie?) and I'm wondering what other kind of obstacles these three might face. Otherwise, it's a really engaging scene with some nice imagery and great attention to detail. Good work!

Tyler Anderson

28587

An energetic and compelling scene that strikes a good balance between big BOOM and thoughtful dialogue. Great action! You can FEEL the blows. An effective, concise yet visually rich style keeps the pace brisk and the read quick. Good mashup of genres here (GODS, trench coats AND swords). Solid characterizations, too. A great scene all around. Nice work!

Tobin von der Nuell &

Gaylynne von der Nuell

27866

Genuinely funny take on the scene prompt. Imagination and a GREAT sense of humor to spare. The dialogue is the highlight and elevates the material above the pack. The whole set-up is engrossing and quirky. Good work.

Tannis Watkins

28304

Some really cool writing can'r rescue this from being a little too opaque. This scene seems part of a much bigger story, and Berta never really rouses Rachel in terms of the competition prompt. Very nice work, though, in terms of their exchange, and the general sense of menace.

Stephen Kadwell

28059

This father-son scene takes a familiar premise but executes it nicely. The relationship between these two characters is tangible, and Lloyd's story about his past is genuinely touching and insightful. It's enough to make someone almost wish to be in this kind of situation to go on this dramatic type of quest. I'd like to see some more specific characterization in the character introductions so we can know what kind of appearances and personalities these two have before their conversation begins. Overall, it's a stirring scene with nice subtext and thoughtful dialogue. Good work!

Sherri Wyatt

28146

This restroom scene begins on a strong note and takes some surprising turns after Grace first shows up and pukes. I'd like to see the scene use its church setting more fully (Can we hear music? Are there any religious decorations? Does the setting influence how Grandma challenges Grace?) It might be a little more compelling if we see Grace interacting directly with Peter during this argument (maybe clutching him or protecting him) so that he's not just a fixture in the room. Otherwise, it's an interesting scene with two interesting female characters and a bold crisis. Nice work!

Robert York

27875

This is a cool scene that grabs our attention with the interesting visual of seeing an ‘accountant’ on a ‘troop carrier ship’ in a futuristic sci-fi setting. Things feel a little bit ‘talky’ until the accountant starts to get tough which is a pleasant surprise. The backstory on the HolloSims, etc., feels a tad dense for such a short scene like this but it’s enough to leave us wanting more. It feels a little AVATAR-inspired and hey, nothing wrong with that! Dialogue is pretty good the writing is strong. Good work and good luck!

Robert M. Cosci

26699

This pine nut factory scene has fun action, some great imagery, and an imaginative scenario. The style of writing is lively, and it takes an impressively dark tone toward the end. Bo's role as a protag feels a little underdeveloped because most of the scene follows Lindbergh as the most active character, so trimming the chase to build more sympathy for the hero might help. I love the smoothies!

Peter Bisson

27815

Wow. This scene is great because of the inherent tension in the situations that the Samaritan is faced with. While the events in the story would seem implausible in the real world, the scene creates a world of its own that feels authentic and consistent. It comes off as a sort of morality tale and becomes an interesting take on the prompt. We are both surprised and amazed that the Samaritan actually goes through with the rescues in the end, and the bookend with the Blue Talon makes it more interesting. It feels a little more like a short film than a scene, perhaps, but overall it's a great job. Good luck!

Nick Webb

27664

Wry, smart dialogue delivered in an acerbic manner makes this scene really buzz with dry humor. It's s shame that we don't get to know more about the back story, but there's just enough (just) to make this a compelling self contained sequence.

Nick Berman

28556

Wow. This is a dark, dark scene about one messed up relationship! The writing captures it all in a strong way. Evelyn is sure put in a tough spot with everything that Jonathan lays on her mercilessly. It’s so harsh that we’re actually glad that she does what she does in the end. It’s an unpredictable and dramatic bit of action to break up an otherwise somewhat ‘talky’ scene. The writing is good, dialogue is effective and overall it’s a simple but effective take on the prompt. Nice job! Good luck!

Michael Grebb

26686

Interesting scene. It really had a great, gritty, desert-noir vibe. Loved the choice to link everything to the turtle's survival. Would like to have gotten to know Lucy just a little bit more than we did, so there's more of a payoff in the end when she survives as tells the Trucker she bet her life on his being on time. Even so, some great stuff here. Loved the overall tone, liked the character, great choice of visuals to make what could have been a rather generic crime scene pop. Well done.

Matt Hamilton

28405

Nice job of balancing the dark with the light, as even in the midst of this brutal killing spree we get the warmth of the Eiffel Tower memory. The scene had a lot of energy and a lot of heart and the connection between the characters was strong. It was easy to feel the history, even before visualizing the flashback, and there's real satisfaction in seeing April go to that memory in her final moments. The tragic tone can be hard for some audiences to take but when it's done well, it really has impact and here, it's done well. Nice job.

Mary Girsch-Bock

26702

Fun scene. Loved the baseball setting, good contrast between age and youth. Loved the use of Ethan as the catalyst to get Lyle back in the game, especially after it seemed like he was trying to push him out. Nice job there! The dialogue is a little spotty, having lines that felt a bit on-the-nose (such as the line about drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels) but others that would really resonate with people who know the game (like Lyle telling Ethan he's not old enough to throw his knuckleball). Overall, very good scene.

Marcus Leary

28419

Good, well-paced scene! Had the right balance of action, drama, and even humor, akin in many ways to the writing that defined the actioners of the 80s like DIE HARD and LETHAL WEAPON. We could really feel the history between Dannon and Lars and the introduction of the daughter character raises the stakes in a good way. Very nice! The left-handed thing fell a little flat but other than that one moment, a very well written scene. Great job.

Lucy A. Fazely

27630

Creative take on the scene prompt and fun, interesting execution. Scene dragged a little bit early when all the various religious figures are getting their intro and line but once the voice from above shows up, things pick up in a good way, and the scene ends on a solid beat. Nice work here.

Leland Marcus

26841

This athletic competition is an amusing scenario, and I like the cliffhanger ending. We spend so much time with Dougie and Joel discussing the plot scenario, and watching the action of the competitions, and I don’t know if we have enough reason to support Dougie as our hero. Aside from being an underdog, what's sympathetic about him? What is it about him that gets someone as great as Christina to like him? Would it be more interesting to focus on his relationship with Christina (or even with David) by letting one of them be the character that provokes or inspires him into action? It seems like Dougie would be more emotionally invested in his quest if we actually see him with the woman he loves rather than just some buddy like Joel. Otherwise, it's a fun, lively scene with good humor and some nice action. Nice work!

Lee A. Carlisle

27625

A visually arresting sequence, with taut action, fluid, impactful description and palpable tension from start to finish. Dialogue, too, is crisp and snappy. The dream setting is effective and allows for an anything goes approach to backstory and storytelling: little logic required, though just enough so it's not too much of a head trip. Cool dream imagery, too. Can probably do without the WE CUT BACK TO: That said, a well-crafted piece. Nice work.

Laurel Demko

27285

This is a very cool scene with a big, unpredictable twist in the end. The two characters are varied and identifiable. Dialogue is stylish and pithy and moves right along. We are drawn in by the relaxed setting and the extreme lengths that Jack goes to to conceal his affair, along with his unusual and cocky openness to Roger. It would help in the beginning to make Jack’s first line of dialogue a bit clearer (is he talking to the waitress? Talking on his cell phone? Perhaps an extra beat before he speaks to Roger). Also, Roger could perhaps be a bit more ‘crushed’ in the beginning, as the prompt calls for. By the end, though, the last thing we expect is that Roger is the husband who is being cheated on. It takes a few moments to put the pieces together, but it’s a clever twist and really makes the scene. Nice job!

John Zakour

27648

This has some very funny moments, some cool punchlines, and some nice visual action. It's just a shame that Captain Star is such a passive character. In the best tradition of these genre exercises, shouldn't he flip the situation, and give us some (heroic) closure?

John Carroll Thomas

27085

Enjoyable, atmospheric scene. Good dialogue, liked the character interaction. Wish we understood more about what was going on here and why the bullet didn't seem to harm Worth. Is there a real explanation there or a supernatural one? It's not really on the page. Even so, this is a stylish compelling scene with interesting characters and strong dialogue. Nice work.

Jeffrey Reyna

28196

This Mount Everest scene has some very strong imagery and a compelling relationship between Tanner and Chris. The stakes are high and the crisis is tangible throughout the scene. I think the two central characters (Tanner and Chris) could both use a little more characterization, especially in their introductions. It could probably use more of an emphasis on the natural elements during the first 3-4 pages, but otherwise, this is a strong, moving scene with some effective dialogue. Good job!

Jeffrey Chase

28086

This is a fun and entertaining scene with a dramatic setting and some funny dialogue. Characters are definitely vibrant and unique and just what we’d expect from a couple of struggling songwriters. Ty fits the role of music company head to a tee. We’re initially a little unclear as to who the protagonist is, and it’s unpredictable when it turns out to be Jenna. Her expressions in the end are meaningful and the ending is cute. Go Jenna! Overall, a fun read and a lot of potential. Good luck!

Jeff Richards

27273

This is a very funny scene. Even though the zombie and movie genres are a little played out, this makes a decent attempt at wringing some new material.

Jason Nord

28091

Fun, fresh, interesting scene! Loved the use of the driver's ed vehicle to add visual umph to the scene. Also, great stakes that are universally understood, coupled with the embarrassment of parents. Would like to have seen a little more punch out of the dialogue but even so, a sharp, fun, well written scene. Nice work.

Indigo Wilmann

28192

Great visuals -- loved the stone glowing in conjunction with Remora's breathing and Reginald's liquification in the end. Dialogue was functional for what was going on in the scene, though it didn't have quite the same punch as the visuals. Even so, an original, atmospherically strong scene that uses visuals to tell the story -- that's what screenwriting's all about. Nice job!

Forrest Carpenter

27362

This apartment scene may not be a jaw-dropper in terms of premise or originality, but it has a great grasp of the drama of its situation, and it feels very genuine and honest. The dilaogue does a fine job creating backstory and heightening the tension while simultaneously developing the relationship between Matt and Sean. At only four pages, there's probably room for development in case you want to answer questions like how Matt screwed up his relationship with Stacey or why it seemed so perfect. Otherwise, this is a strong sample, and it feels like a real movie moment. Good work!

Erik Fetler

28015

Great take on the scene prompt, very interesting bit of interaction. At times, there felt like there was too much disparity between the stakes related to disappointing the king and the seemingly trivial task of baking a cake but overall, still a good scene with strong characters and sharp dialogue. In the end, the discover of the cupcake also felt a little flippant considering the stakes established prior to that point but even in this moment, there is fun to be had. Overall, very good job here.

Erik A. Cooper

28468

This bandit scene has some strong descriptions and good characterization of Maury and Estelle. It's a fun dynamic between the two central characters, and even though we know the bandit is probably harmless, it's an exciting quest to destroy the bandit. I'd like to see more emphasis on what's at stake if Maury fails to defeat the bandit, so some idea of what could happen to them in the case of failure might be good. Also, Estelle's input seems a little inconsistent when she tells him to just give up, though her attitude and impatience make sense. Overall, it's a fun, lively scene with an endearing core relationship. Nice job!

DylanKilgour

26834

Simple and TOTALLY effective. The protagonist and his problem demonstrate imagination and a strong sense of humor. Things play out in an exciting manner and the action is fast paced. Definitely one of the stronger entries. Good work!

Dylan Holton

27987

This sniper scene has a great sense of tension as Danz has to coax a reluctant Wills into action in a desperate situation. The stakes are high, and the conflict is clear. The dialogue can feel a little clich2 when Danz talks about duty to the military and other soldiers depending on him, but the pacing and intensity work really well. Good job!

Domenico Farelli

27873

This is a fun and well-written scene with a unique premise and cool characters. Description is stylish and dialogue is pithy, definitely feeling like movie dialogue. The scene feels interactive with the flashback sequence, which is great (though it may be good to include the word ‘FLASHBACK’ in the slug line as it starts), but when we get back to the present, things seem to lag just a little. The stuff with the helicopter pilot seems a little random, and the scene gets a tad long and scattered. Car Shark is a great character with some hilarious dialogue. Overall, a very nice scene that could probably use a bit more of a twist, turn or surprise at the end, but it’s a good read nonetheless. Good luck!

Diane Lisa Johnson

27859

Inventive scene with a wealth of strong visuals. Loved the setting and the characters -- good take on the scene prompt. Became a little dialogue-heavy late in the scene and could have used a bit more movement but even so, it's a good, atmospheric scene that opens well and ends on a sweet note. Nice work.

David J. Evans

27133

Kudos on an appealing take on the old superhero genre. It's a little wordy, and could do with some action, but the concept is nicely handled, and the climax is a really neat twist on the story.

Cesa Williamson

27911

This is a wacky scene with a lot of imagination. It’s initially a bit tough to get into but once we gather that they’re assigning babies to parents, it gets more fun. The futuristic setting is unique but a little hard to pin down (what is the ‘Gift’ that they keep talking about?). Dialogue is catchy and the pacing is great û feels like a movie. Overall, a good scene that’s not quite there yet, but it feels like it has the potential to be a home run. It definitely shows writing talent! Good luck!

Carlos Alexandre

27628

Funny, absurdist scene with solid visuals and snappy dialogue. Good mash-up of styles and personalities here. The banter between the DARK WIZARD and GARY is a hoot. Good visual punch with the approaching nuke. Nice work.

Bob Blaskey

28457

Very creative take on the scene prompt. A lot of great stuff on the page here, like a twisted take on ENCHANTED. Nice use of visuals, strong character interaction. Dialogue in the end ran a beat or two too long but not enough so to derail what was an otherwise very impressive scene. Nice work.

Ben Atkinson

27519

Entertaining and original scene, with solid visuals and crisp dialogue. Well drawn characters, too: human and feline alike. Nice Mister Tibbs line. Good work.

Amy Thurlow

27380

A smart and compact scene, with solid dramatic beats and efficient yet impactful dialogue. The harvested rice reveal is a nice touch, but it's not clear where it came from. Is this from ILAMA'S pattie? Is it from FURAHA'S family's pattie, harvested in spite of the chief's punishment? Perhaps Furaha needs an additional line to call back and reinforce her earlier stated beliefs. Madeline having had no idea that the rice had even been harvested reads too internal. The audience needs a bigger hint on-screen, as they don't have the luxury of read your scene description. That said, excellent work here. Nice job.

Amy J. Cattapan

28052

What a fun, enjoyable scene! It strikes just the right tone and has a great amount of compelling visuals. Enjoyed the characters too, though the dialogue felt a little forced early on. Even so, the scene plays out very nicely and comes to an extremely satisfying conclusion. Well done!

Al Giordano

27181

Creative, inventive. Great tension throughout, and it escalates. Malloch's voice is a good technique and it becomes even better with Katie's Voice... Dent is an engaging character. The scene moved well. Some dialogue was a bit wordy - especially from Malloch. Should keep the dialogue from a character we don't see to more of a minimum. Always write tight, concise. But this was very well done... Great job.